My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My boob is missing a layer of skin
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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