My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
