i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
