I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
