i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
