yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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