Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
