You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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