And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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