Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
