TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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