I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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