i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
