I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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