Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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