There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
