You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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