Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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