can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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