his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
