were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize