Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
