Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
