Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Four minutes until I can fart!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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