in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize