your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
