we made out on top of his cat.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
