so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
