How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
