if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
