I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
