tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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