hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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