Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
