the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
