I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
