omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
