His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
