i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
