people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
