That's when you crack a 10am beer
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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