I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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