Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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