I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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