i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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