I think I died a long time ago.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
