Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
