I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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