Pappa wants mamma naked
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
