he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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