Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
