Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
