How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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