did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
50% drunk capacity currently
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
