Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
