The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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