OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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