3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
