I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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