hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
