So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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