just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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