I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
