Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
