bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
