If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
